When faced with the prospect of losing his property to the Great Fire of London, Samuel Pepys made the smart decision to bury some of his most valuable possessions. These included important papers, his finest wine, and a block of Parmesan. Yes, really. Rather than saving his jewels, heirlooms and books, Mr Pepys opted for cheese. Though it is likely that there was a pecuniary incentive for this (since having been presented to Henry VIII in 1512  by Pope Julius II, Parmesan was well known in the English court - and it was extremely expensive) there is no denying the fact that Pepys clearly felt quite strongly about cheese.

And he is by no means the only one. A cursory glance at the diets of Western Europe indicates that cheese holds a significantly high position in people's estimations. Part of the sacred triumvirate along with wine and bread, cheese has had a colourful history and continues to play a crucial role in modern diets.

While there is naturally debate as to the origins of cheese (some archaeologists trace its production in Poland to over 7000 years ago) - it appears to be generally presumed that it was first produced in Anatolia and Mesopotamia in around 6500BC . This is likely to be due to changing climate and a move to pastoralism, though a popular story upholds that it was discovered by accident, when a traveling merchant stored milk in sheep's gut. The milk fermented in the heat, and cheese was the result. Nice idea, but unlikely, as most neolithic humans were lactose-intolerant. What we do know is that the Greeks loved cheese (Homer's cyclops made his own feta, and they even had a God of cheesemaking, Aristaeus) and the Romans considered themselves masters of it.  Some of our famous modern cheeses can be traced back to Ancient Rome: Pecorino Siciliano, for example, is discussed by Pliny the elder. Though cheese may have been created in Britain before the Romans arrived, they certainly made an impact by instating their own methods for its production,  making it part of the daily diet and paving the way for generations of cheese obsessives like Pepys.

While no one in the world eats more cheese per head than the  French, the UK  makes more varieties of cheese per capita than any other country. While Italy proudly states that it produces 487 types of cheese (which, as they like to make clear, is more than France) the Brits have over 700 types. This is an incredible feat, especially given the fact that during WW2 the only cheese production permitted was a bland cheddar hybrid, which all but wiped out other traditional cheeses.

Now that we have artisanal varieties aplenty, the UK's cheese obsession is more striking than ever. I can't be the only one to notice that cheese has an uncanny ability of turning perfectly sane, balanced individuals into drooling maniacs. Those who ordinarily follow standard portion protocol consider eating half a brie, or chewing from a block of cheddar to be perfectly normal. (Not that this is a modern phenomenon: in the fifteenth century, Boccacio wrote in the Decameron of an utopian 'mountain of parmesan cheese'.)  Buzzfeed, a reasonably reliable barometer for the mind of the average western millenial, is littered with articles for cheese obsessives,  boasting ambiguous titles such as: 23 Things You’ll Only Get If You’re Obsessed With Cheese and 25 Incredibly Cheesy Recipes You Need In Your Life. Cheese-obsessed characters are also a common feature in films and cartoons. Take Wallace, for example:

http://imgur.com/gallery/h9l5u

As it turns out, this proclivity to cheese obsession is not simply the result of Western gluttony. Recently published research indicates that it is scientifically possible to be addicted to cheese. This is due to casein, a chemical present in all dairy, that can trigger the brain's opioid receptors, potentially leading to addiction. (This puts a whole new slant on the Pepys story - was he just protecting his stash?) Such a finding might explain why the cheese toastie has such cult status. An essential post-night out or mid-revision snack for British students, such is our collective ardour for the toastie that it is  now possible to order them directly to your door. There are dozens of articles online about the art of the toastie, all laden with drool-related adjectives and references to gastronomic nirvana. One even went so far as to describe a sandwich as "sex in bread". The idea that slapping a few squares of processed dairy in plasticky white sliced could be sexy might seem ridiculous, but the author of that article is clearly not the only person to think so. Take the following clip from the 2014 film Chef - a masterclass in food porn.



Admit it, there is something very sexy about that sandwich. Is it the careful placement of the cheeses, the aesthetically pleasing range of colours, the oozing cheddar, seeping between the slices or (my favourite) the satisfying crunch as Jon Favreau slices through it with the epic chef's knife? Whatever the secret, put the film title into YouTube and the 'grilled cheese scene' is the first thing that comes up. So I'm clearly not the only one to see it that way. And this attitude doesn't stop at sandwiches - anything laden in melted cheese (especially pizza) is frequently described as 'sexy'. Like chocolate, cheese that is hot, molten and messy really seems to turn people on. Which is really saying something when you consider that up close, even mild varieties often smell (to quote author Andrew Dalby) like 'baby's vomit'.

Addictive and erotic properties aside, what is it about cheese that really keeps people coming back for more? It is the quintessential comfort food, helping us through life in a myriad of little ways: melted on toast, squished in a roll, grated over pasta (I have waxed about that particular dish here), and slathered over vegetables - a reliable way of getting children to eat them, by the way. Cheese just seems to keep people happy, combining a satisfying saltiness with the comforting creaminess of milk, which is, after all, our first food.

Cheese also has versatility on its side; it can feature in any meal of the day, and in Europe constitutes an entire course. Cheese also simultaneously functions as a sign of haute and peasant cuisine. In Britain, a sophisticated cheese course (served with port, following dessert) is the benchmark of upper class eating, whereas in mainland Europe, eating a selection of cheeses after a meal is considered standard, peasant fare. It is, after all, a basic foodstuff, something has has sustained us and kept us from starvation for hundreds of years. Its simplicity is, in itself, comforting. In agricultural communities cheese is a truly local food, representing a sense of place. The cheese will taste of the local grass, literally transferring the taste of the earth.

But there is something more to it than that, something I couldn't quite put my finger on until I visited Neal's Yard Dairy in Covent Garden in the name of journalistic commitment (and delicious free samples). I knew already that the making of cheese was part of a pivotal change in human development - indicating progress from merely gathering food to farming and processing it. Gareth at Neal's Yard helpfully pointed out that it is this process that makes cheese so special; we consider the transformation of one raw material into another to be a magical and mythological action, and we are therefore awed by the finished product. (Just look at the way people obsess about wine and craft beer production.)

This insight helped me appreciate the nature of our cheese obsession, for the look, taste and texture of a cheese is dependent on a million different variables, allowing producers infinite room for experimentation. There is always the chance that you will create something new and unexpected, a foodstuff that is wholly unique. A gift that keeps on giving, cheese promises unending opportunities for new tastes and experiences. Quite simply, it is alchemy; gastronomic gold.